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A Word on My Ear (I'm Tone Deaf)

from Say it with Song by Jacqueline Novikov

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Music by Donald Swann
Lyrics by Michael Flanders

lyrics

Before I deliver my seventh encore
There's something I'd like to make clear
They say I've brought pleasure to millions or more
They say that my singing half won the last war
When I sang to the troops in the rear.
I'm a Dame with a name
At the peak of my fame,
I'm known as the Empress of Song.
The critics 'bravo' -
And the critics should know -
But I can not help feeling they're wrong.
I'm lauded, applauded, recorded - but hist'!
I've a musical flaw that they seemed to have missed

I'm tone deaf;
Music means nothing to me.
It's only the way my accompanist plays
That makes it appear I'm in key.
Stone, tone deaf;
Can't tell a key from a clef.
I stand by the pianist watching her face,
For she's told me to start when it comes to the place
Where she'll give me a whacking great - in the bass,
Because I'm tone deaf

I'm tone deaf
Never could understand pitch
Some people you know
Can sing 'soh-la-tee-do'
And claim they can tell which is which!
Stone, tone deaf!
Can't tell a B from an F.
A conductor once said "now I don't want to carp,
But if that's a B natural played on the harp
Then either B flat, dear, or bloody B sharp!"
But then I'm tone deaf!

My technique is perfect,
And likewise my larynx!
Great artists once sculpted
A bust of my pharynx!
While lovers of music all praise with conviction
My phrasing, my timbre, perfection of diction;
My trilling made swoon
But I just can't remember the tune

I'm tone deaf.
But in most modern works for the voice
The note that I hit doesn't matter a bit,
So it's purely a personal choice.
Stone, tone deaf!
Musically D-E-A-F.
Perhaps Lincoln Center's just not worth the stress,
And Carnegie Hall may not book me for less
But I'll always get work from the dear PBS
Well I'm tone deaf!
Yes, I'm tone deaf!

credits

from Say it with Song, released July 15, 2022

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Jacqueline Novikov Boston, Massachusetts

Soprano Jacqueline Novikov, founder of Forma Music, is dedicated to entertaining and educating audiences through classical vocal music. She uses music's powerful language to express life's humorous, serious, mundane and sacred truths. Jacqueline holds a B.M. from the Eastman School of Music in Rochester, NY and a M.M. from Manhattan School of Music in New York City. ... more

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